The New Story of Jonah

Jonah was content. He was in his LSU room where the walls were covered with autographed pictures of Tiger heroes, national championship posters, banners and other trophies. Jonah was watching (for the umpteenth time) a video of Jacob Hester scoring the winning touchdown against Florida in 2007 when he heard his name called, "Jonah," and he knew instantly it was God calling. "Jonah," God said, "The Ole Miss football team is in trouble. The Rebels lost their first two games and will continue to lose unless some changes are made." (Ole Miss is losing and all is right with the world, Jonah was thinking.) God continued, "Jonah I want you -- no, I'm ordering you -- to go to Oxford and tell Coach Nutt that as long as he plays his current quarterback Ole Miss may not win a game this season. Explain to the coaches that there is a quarterback on the squad who is a walk-on, not even on scholarship. Tell Nutt to play this boy and Ole Miss will start winning and save the season."

Jonah protested vigorously. He told God that Coach Nutt and his staff would never believe him. God replied," Do as I say and if the Rebels do not believe you and refuse to make the changes I have ordered it will be on their heads and the team will not win a game this year."

Jonah did not want to go to Oxford and tried to avoid or at least delay going. He started to Oxford by way of New Orleans and spent two days and two nights on Bourbon Street. He boarded a river boat, intending to ride up and down the river, but the boat began to shiver and shake, sending the passengers into a panic. Realizing this was his fault Jonah jumped overboard and swam to shore, finally heading for Oxford. There he met with Coach Nutt and his staff and informed them that unless they replaced the quarterback with the walk-on the Rebs would lose all their games and the season would be ruined. Surprisingly Nutt and his staff believed him and to Jonah's amazement and sorrow installed the new quarterback.

Ole Miss won the very next Saturday and kept on winning with the next game to be with LSU. Jonah had grown more unhappy with each Ole Miss victory and could not even relax or find peace in his LSU room. He went out into his backyard and sought the shade of a gourd vine which grew on his garden fence. A worm had entered the vine and it wilted, leaving Jonah in the sun. This was just too much for Jonah. He sought out God, saying "God, this isn't fair. Now we are to play Ole Miss tonight and to be fair you should guarantee a victory for the Tigers." God answered, " Jonah, I don't pick football games, and besides I don't have to play fair; I'm God."